The Aspergers Family

Adam:
Daddy I think you have aspergers.
Aaron I think you have aspergers.
Mommy I think you have aspergers.
I think we should change our name to The Aspergers Family.

LOL. How can you tell I have been talking to the boys about aspergers lately and all the good things about it? Adam was thinking it was a compliment to tell us that we have aspergers. Because obviously that means we are smart, unique, curious and wonderful. We all had a good laugh.

We have been trying to explain the wonderful things that come with aspergers. They know first hand the not so wonderful things, so I didn't think I had to rehash them but did try to explain that not all fabulous people have aspergers. Or do they? lol

So, we had an eventful weekend. Went tobogganing (not sure how to spell that, everyone in Alberta calls it sledding). It went pretty well for the most part. They were super excited so I tried to make it casual. Too much excitement just means they start acting up and fighting long before we even get there. So we played it as cool as we could. They were great walking to the snowhill. As soon as we got there, Adam hoped on a toboggan and away he went. And he was golden, for about 35 minutes. Then you could tell he had enough stimulation. He had tunnel vision and wouldn't listen to us asking him to be more careful. Screaming at us if we would talk to him, going out of his way to hit us. He was a toboggan ninja and that was it. That was ultimately why we left. He was being careless. He cried and screamed all the way back to the van. He eventually calmed down but was a bit of a bear for a while.

Aaron, on the other had, was his usual cautious self approaching the hill. Got on the toboggan and sat for a second. As soon as it inched up slightly, he threw his hands down to grab the snow and shreaked that he couldn't do it. My image of him gliding down the hill having the time of his life shattered as he ran to the closest hiding spot. He sat under that tree for about 10 minutes. Eventually he let me convince him to just come and give it a try on a smaller hill. I'm so thankful he trusts me so much, but he has to learn to do this with other people too, including Daddy. Mommy is getting burnt out. He whined and stomped around whenever his toboggan didn't go the way he envisioned it, but we are used to that by now. All in all, the rest of his day was supreme. Ahh....

Our boys are getting older and in some ways this journey is getting easier...and in some ways it is getting more difficult. I have been noticing changes in Aaron. Yes he's old enough to vocalize when he is feeling 'stressed' (as we call his anxiety) but at the same time, his temper gets away from him so much easier now. So, here is the best development of our weekend. Jake, who works shift work and lots of over-time, doesn't get to spend as much one on one time with the boys as I do, so in turn they have become used to me putting out all the fires. Jake is seeing that it's bigger than just me now and is needing to step up his game more when it comes to backing me up and taking some direction from me on what the boys need, without getting his nose out of joint. Don't get me wrong, he is a fabulous dad, and so patient, but when the crap starts he doesn't always know how to help them. And they change what works and what doesn't work so often, it's not really his fault either. But, he's becoming more and more open and aware that this is the hand we are dealt and as painful as it is to admit, we have to step up and make this as easy for them as we can. For example, when they are acting up, Jake has a tendancy to say "why are you doing this?" when in actuality he is only adding to their frustration. When I pointed it out to him tonight, he had a huge aha moment and was very grateful for it. If they knew why or how to stop, they would. You can't ask them why they are doing something that they have such a hard time controlling and have no idea why it is happening to them. Just saying things differently or catching them before they are stressed or not putting them in situations beyond their control. And then sometimes it is just a guessing game. So I'm feeling optimistic and I think the boys are feeling the united front and I think Jake is feeling more control. All good all around.

That's all for now from Martha Aspergers. lol