A True Mental Health Day

I almost started updating my facebook status with this, but some people just aren't interested and don't want to be bothered, plus I knew it would start to get too long. So here is my thoughts for today...

Boys aren't in school today. They aren't physically ill, they rarely ever are, we've been blessed with that. But, the pharmacy didn't get Aaron's refill request that I sent in a week before he ran out. He takes intuniv. It takes the edge off his mood swings and calms his tourettes down a bit. Shouldn't be a problem but it's a fairly new medication in Canada and more difficult to get, so they couldn't get any until today. They generally keep a supply for him but another kid has started taking it in town and they gave his away. We weren't too upset, we figured we would test out how he was doing without medication anyways, afterall, it's only 1mg dose. Shouldn't be too difficult right? HA! He's been three days without and OMG it's been a horrible weekend. He's been exceptionally angry and moody. Last night he couldn't sleep at all. Kept worrying about life and growing up. Holding my 9 year old son at 3am as he sobs that he is scared and he doesn't want to grow up is beyond heartbreaking when all I want to tell him is that he doesn't have to. I don't want him to grow, I want to keep him here with me forever where I know he is safe and cared for. I was able to eventually convince him that he won't leave our home until he is ready and that we always work together to learn tools to help him be successful in his own life. He finally went to sleep at 5:45am. Subsequently, Adam has had a rough weekend feeding off his brother and trying to keep his own aspergers in check. So they are both having a mental health day, in it's truest form.

I feel a bit rattled by this weekend, for a couple of reasons...

First, I hate that my child is so relient on medication. I worry that if that continues and he decides one day not to take his medication, he won't have the tools in place to deal with his disabilities. It's terrifying. *This is not an invitation for herbal remedies, courses, snake oils or potions, although I completely respect and am thrilled for anyone with positive experiences with them. There is no vitamin, diet or parenting strategy that will erase the fact that Aaron has aspergers and tourettes and Adam has aspergers. Believe me, if there was a way to "cure" it, we would have already done it.* The only thing that has helped, is teaching them about themselves. Sounds easy? Nope! Trying to teach a 7 & 9 year olds to be self aware and regulate their emotions is not easy. Dare I say, it's a task that most adults have difficulty with, if they are ever able to control it. Not easy. Definitely not easy to teach it and keep my own emtions in tact. But this is the only steadfast remedy to high functioning autism that has somewhat of a chance in our house.

Secondly, I hate that my children have a long battle uphill their entire lives. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. But I have accepted it. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I have to understand it. We do try to make it the best life possible. I try to be positive with them. I've licked my wounds and still do sometimes. There are hard days. Days I never thought I would experience as a parent. Days I question why I was chosen for them. My vision of constant happiness, love and joy as a family, isn't the way I imagined it. We have moments of pure bliss. So much love that our hearts can hardly hold it. Aaron told me the other day, "Sometimes I want to say something to you but I can't even find the words so I just tell you I love you because that is all I know." My boys know unconditional love. They know we would spin the world for them if it would make theirs right. They know we are their soft spot. We don't always know we are their soft spot. We know that sometimes, they are just mean and unreasonable and those times are so....I can't even say difficult because it's beyond that. It's a hard life.

I get told so often, from so many people, how sweet and kind and brilliant both the boys are and it's true. They show those things and it is truly them. I don't think people realize how difficult it is for them to be "on". By the time they get home at the end of the day, they are utterly exhausted. That's where the soft spot comes in. It sounds glamorous doesn't it? Yeah, not so! Every single horrible thing they have felt during the day comes out at home, more so with Aaron than Adam. Adam is committed to how he feels. He comes home and if something bothers him, he just assumes that I know what it is and how to fix it. A lot of conversation and a lot of frustratoin on both our parts comes in to play then. With Aaron, it's just anger and hurt. Many days we are able to talk through whatever may have bothered him and come to a solution, many days he just bottles it up. At the end of every day, each of them come to me with apologies and love. They know that I forgive them before any of it even happens. I'm thankful that they have heard the many times I've told them "just because you have aspergers does not mean that you get to be mean to anyone" or "yes you have aspergers, but you still have to live in this world and find a way to do that". It's sinking in and we continue to work on it.

Now that they are more conscious in their conversations, I often hear "why do I have aspergers" or "I hate my aspergers". We focus on the positives that come with aspergers. They are unique and I wouldn't change them. I would change how difficult life is for our family, but I wouldn't change that they have brilliant minds, caring spirits and loving hearts. They are socially conscious and self aware. They are forward thinkers and will change the world. I have no doubt. I had a friend say that she always felt that aspergers was the next level of consciousness, I believe it's true. I believe it's so difficult for them because this world isn't ready for them. They don't understand when people don't use common sense. They get stuck somewhere between being socially awkward and being misunderstood. That's the part that we are working on....being themselves.

So yes, this mental health day was necessary and they are now sitting in front of a video game in their underwear snacking on chips, resting their minds and spirits and knowing that when the world is too much, it is okay to take a break and breathe. It's okay for all of us.

(Yup that would have been way too long for a facebook status).

For the Love of Mercy

My friend asked me to write a story about Mercy for a Shelter Challenge. How could I say no, she's been such a huge part of our emotional recovery from this flood. Cross your fingers Boston Terrier Rescue Canada wins a prize. I thought since I already shed the tears required, why not post the story on my blog as well. Here it is...

For the Love of Mercy

I hardly know where to start this story, but here goes...

We are a family of four, my husband Jake and I, and our two sons, Aaron 8 and Adam 7. Jake is a millwright, I am an accounting technician. I volunteer in the community and for Boxer Rescue Canada, not as often as I would like, but whenever I can. We have two rescue boxers, Gunner and Velvet, and at the time of this story, we had just lost our beloved pug DeJa at the age of 13. We are just your semi-ordinary family, working hard, plugging along, making the best life we can for our kids.

Then June 20, 2013 came. We live on a small acreage just west of a beautiful little Alberta town called High River. That day our town got swallowed up by the Highwood River. It was devastating, still is. Our home got flooded while the river moved toward town and we thankfully, but harrowingly evacuated our home with our skin and fur babies in tow. I can't even describe in words how horrific that day was and how it has changed our lives.

Now 7 months later, our home and our life is well on it's way to recovery. But there is one thing that makes this story a bit more unique and the reason I called us a semi-ordinary family. Our sons both have aspergers syndrome. It's a high functioning autism, lots of social awkwardness, gifted IQ's, anger, frustration, uniqueness, anxiety. Honestly, it's a constant roller coaster, but we manage and our boys are beyond amazing.

All that being said, the hardest part of this flood for our family has been getting our boys through it. With their aspergers, they absorb so much of everyone's emotions, not just ours and people they know, but everyone and let me tell you, the emotion in our town during and after the flood, and even now, is thick and ugly. All that emotion kind of gets trapped in them because they have such a hard time processing and releasing it. It just builds up and then comes out in behaviour, anxiety, rage, depression, it's not pretty. We were also dealing with our own emotions including post tramatic stress, as you can imagine. Our family needed something to help us get through.

We are avid dog lovers and I have always accredited our amazing dogs in helping our boys deal with the stress they feel. It's amazing to watch really. But there was a gap that our pug had left that we were all feeling before the flood but only seemed to had grown through the ordeal. We had thought that maybe we would stick to two dogs for a while, but I had fallen in love with a picture of "Pyper". A Boston Terrier Rescue Canada foster that was in my friend Carolyn's care. Her crazy blue eyes, long tongue that always hangs out, and way too large ears spoke to me every time I saw a picture of her, plus she was white, just like our boxers, a matched set. She was just semi-ordinary enough for our home. But I figured someone else would snatch her up really quick. But they didn't...

I only needed to show Jake her picture once for him to know that this little Boston Terrier/French Bulldog would fill that gap we were feeling and help our boys release some of their anxiety. She had to be ours. We filled out the application, waited for the answer and wow when we told the boys that she was ours, they were happier than I had seen them all summer. Now all we needed to do was pick a name. We made lists and narrowed them down and started again and none of them felt right. Not until I said to Jake that I was so looking forward to a little bit of Mercy after such a long hard summer. I swear I can still hear our thoughts collide, Mercy would be her name. We needed Mercy.

As fate would have it, Mercy's story was unfolding in the hands of my friends. Follow along...
- She was rescued not from the flood, but during the flood, by a Boston Terrier Rescue volunteer, who is also my friend Wendy, who also lives in High River and was a flood victim
- She was transported to British Columbia by a Boxer Rescue and Boston Terrier Rescue volunteer and also my friend Kristen
- To be fostered by yet another friend and Boxer Rescue and Boston Terrier Rescue volunteer Carolyn
- Then transported back to Alberta a couple more of my friends and Boxer Rescue volunteers Holly & Sherryl who happened to be in BC on a rescue transport at the time.
- Lastly brought to me, having come full circle, by my friend, rescue volunteer and fellow flood victim Wendy

She was fated to be our girl. Our friends had facilitated her journey every step of the way. The first day Wendy brought her to our home for a short visit with our dogs, her and our male boxer Gunner played and played and played. They adored each other. It was a no-brainer that this was a perfect fit.

I'm thrilled to say that she most definitely belongs here, she owns our hearts, she has helped my sons deal with their anxiety, she makes the most adorable contend little sigh in her sleep, wrestles the boxers like she is one, is a toy hog, always needs a warm body to sleep on and she makes everyone smile, every where we go. Not only that, but her appearance is so unique, she draws people to her, which gives us an opportunity to talk about animal rescue and interestingly enough, diversity. Every single time I bring her to school to pick up my sons, at least one child will ask me or one of my boys, "why does her tongue do that" or "why are her eyes like that". Each one of us proudly replies that not everyone is the same, we are all different and it's wonderful.

Thank you for the chance to tell our Mercy story. I'm so privileged for the lessons she has taught us already. She's a blessing to us. She is love.